woe is me!

every once in a great while I get in a mood. A woe is me mood. This is usually caused by my kids, their lack of appreciation and unwillingness to help. Tonight I want to run away!

The ONLY chore the girls have is to wash dishes, they switch weeks. If I'm lucky they get done 2x a week. They think anything more than that is just too much for me to ask. I am not supposed to have to tell them they need to be done. But I usually have to tell them 20+ times over 2-3 days to get the dishes done, and then finally I get pissy and refuse to let them do whatever until they're done. WHY should it be this way? It shouldn't. Why is it? B/c I'm way too nice! Once a week I make them bring their laundry down, and once a week I make them fold their laundry and take it upstairs. This is IT. They don't do ANYTHING ELSE. If I do ask them to do something additional they act like I'm asking them to walk through fire. GOD FORBID I asked them to do something like clean a toilet or wash a window. HA HA HA HA ~ just thinking about what that reaction would be makes me laugh.

Lou does NOTHING. He goes to work. That is his ONLY responsibility. I am NOT exaggerating!! B/c he makes the money he is exempt from all else.

I just got done washing the dishes. Why? B/c I am sick to death of hearing myself talk. So I did the dishes just so I would have something to BITCH about. B/c I'm already in a bad mood. Why?

B/c it has come to my attention that Allie does not like it here. If this didn't make me so mad and sad and want to just cry it would be laughable. My kids get whatever they want, they mostly get to do whatever they want to do, they have almost NO responsibility, yet, what? they don't LIKE it here? REALLY? WHAT THE %&*#?  Oh, wait, I know....it's b/c we have RULES. B/c she would rather spend every waking moment at her boyfriends house where there ARE NO RULES.

I give and I give and I do and I do, yet it's ALL ABOUT THEM. I don't know how to be a good mom. I am too nice. I don't want them to hate me. I don't want to be their best friend, I am not afraid to be mean, or have rules, but I am pretty lenient, or I try to be. B/c I want to have a relationship with them. But I can't make them want that. They would rather I just dropped off the face of the earth...until they want something.

Once again I am saying, I don't know how I managed to raise such selfish entitled children. I guess they don't like me anyway...trying to be a nice mom...so I might as well try on the psycho demanding my children are my slaves and the answer is no hear me roar mom, I'm sure that will make them appreciate the other mom. Now, I just have to figure out how to stick with it!

My boys' growing up!

Tonight Justin raced in his first motocross race. I wasn't sure if I could watch, or if i even wanted to, but I couldn't NOT go! He was nervous yesterday but seemed OK with it today. Today I was fine with it until we got to the track 2 minutes before his first moto. I wasn't sure if I was going to throw up or cry or both, I was shaking like a leaf. All I wanted to do was give him a hug and tell him I love him and to be careful and just do his best, all that mom stuff, but I knew if I even looked at him I would loose it, so I just let Lou send him off. Thank goodness Katie Mc Clelland was there to calm me. It's always helpful to have a seasoned mom to calm you down.

We watched his first moto, I don't know how many laps they do (5 maybe) but he did GREAT! Didn't dump the bike at all. We were SO proud of him and he was so proud of himself! He couldn't wait until the 2nd moto.

Well, it didn't go quite so great. They watered the track, a lot! On the hard right corner there was 6" of mud and a couple other spots that it was MUDDY. He had never rode in mud so had NO idea what to do in it. On the first lap he layed it down 5 times. I was SO frustrated with Lou b/c he wasn't running from one side of the track to the other to help him (even though he couldn't even see him from where he was standing). He was struggling to pick the bike up out of the mud and get it straightened out and get back on. After the first lap Allie said 'can't he just be done!?'. He wrecked in the tight right corner EVERY lap, sometimes more than once. On another curve he wrecked the first 2 laps and then got it figured out, but layed it down again in the same spot on the last lap when he had no brake. On, I think, the 4th lap his back brake broke in the mud. We have most of the pieces but I'm sure there are some that got left in the mud. Tomorrow Lou will have to see what's missing. (update: only missing a nut & 2 bolts!!)

So it finally gets over. He rides his bike up and Lou shuts it off so he can push it back over to the pits. I tell him he did a great job, he won't look at me, so I raise his chin up and his lip is quivering and I say Justin, baby, you did a great job, and he shakes his head no and has tears in his eyes. He was so disappointed in himself. But he really did do a great job! He picked his bike up and got back on it every time he wrecked, and that was a LOT! He had no experience in mud, and now he does. He had several people tell him he did a good job picking himself up and that they were proud of him for sticking it out and how great it is that he didn't quit. I think that helped. He says he's ready to try it again at Schuyler county fair next Sunday night.  (this morning I asked Lou what the guy who helped pick him up when he lost his brake said to him, Lou told me that the guys jaw was wired shut, but he helped get Justin up - the bike was on him that time- picked up his pieces- Justin was crying b/c it was broke, and he told him that he would run the track with him and he was so proud of him for sticking with it, etc...everyone there was SO nice!)

A rewind: Justin got a dirtbike for his 6th birthday last year. The first time he rode it, he rode full throttle into the deck railing and wouldn't get back on it. Then it had a flat tire for a long time. His friend Hunter got a bike for Christmas and was talking to him about riding, so this spring Justin decided he wanted to try again. Finally got the tire fixed and he started riding again probaby beginning of May. After a couple weeks Lou got him a better bike and took him to practice in Carthage. It freaked him out and he wouldn't ride after that, made excuses, but wouldn't just say it scared him. After a couple weeks of this I finally said that if he was done riding we were going to sell the bikes, after a week of saying this I finally told him and Lou they needed to have a serious chat and decide what he was going to do. He decided he wanted to ride. That was 8 days ago. He practiced his heart out all around our property the last 8 days to get himself prepared for today. Yesterday I really thought he was going to chicken out. today he was gung-ho.

I am SO proud of him! He's not a baby anymore.

One of those days...

Today is a day. I hope tomorrow is a better day! Today I have had my fill of people! Stupid people. Selfish people. Ungrateful people. Indecisive people (me)! Lazy people.

I don't know how I'm supposed to do my job if no one tells me anything. I wind up looking like the clueless, unorganized one. This annoys me! If you schedule a meeting, tell me. If you cancel a meeting, tell me. If someone DIES, tell me! If something needs to be passed on to other people, tell me. If someone is in the hospital or home from the hospital, tell me. Write me a note, send me an email, text me, call me, just TELL ME!

I dislike it very much when people who are hired to do a job can't or won't do it (hence the above paragraph). If I call Walmart I would very much like the person I talk to to either know the answer or be able and willing to FIND OUT.

If you order Scentsy from me I will bend over backwards to make you happy & to keep you happy. I hate to label someone 'too high maintenance to bother with', but I think I have come to my point with a certain person. I don't even feel bad about it anymore. Maybe if you actually BOUGHT something instead of always asking for free, or an exchange, or samples that you NEVER order....GO AWAY, you are making me cranky!

I ask my kids to do VERY little. WAY TOOOO LITTLE!!! So when I do ask something, please, JUST DO IT! I want to have the kind of power over my kids that Miss Kay has over her boys on Duck Dynasty!
(funniest show ever, btw) She says I want those goats, son says I'm not putting those goats in my new Escalade, she says yes you are, he says no i'm not, next thing you know the goats are in the Escalade. Then she calls him up and tells him to come get the goats b/c they're eating her flowers, he says he can't he's busy working, she says thank you i'll see you in a few minutes, so he goes and gets the goats. Just like that. I say do the dishes 20x over 3 days! I say please take that bag of chicken to the basement freezer and then do it myself 3 hours later when its still on the table. I don't like to yell and rant, but damn it, do what I ask and I won't have to! If I didn't clean or pick-up a single thing my house would be a pig-sty in a week, and the sad part is, I am the only one who cares!!!! I just spent a lot of money on a pool FOR MY KIDS and I can't even get them to pick up a cup!  I am failing miserably!

I grew up with everything I needed. But not much else. I specifically remember once, mom got a big check from a good estate auction & I got to pick out a new pair of dress shoes from the Sears catalog, that was a very big treat. My girls have 50 pairs of shoes!! (each, not together!)

When the girls were little we didn't have much. We have been very blessed! Lou has a good job, we have nice vehicles, a nice house, and we can provide for our kids. Every parent's goal is to be able to give their kids a better life than they had, especially if they didn't have much. We WANT to be able to give our kids everything they want. But we do not want them to EXPECT to have everything. I am very disappointed to say that my kids have gotten to the point that they now think they're entitled. I HATE ENTITLEMENT!

Today Allie and Alexis and Saydee wanted to go to Macomb. Allie hasn't driven further than Clayton since she got her license. They have been wanting to go to town since school got out. They used the guise of wanting to get me a birthday present. Sure, why not. But take my van instead of the truck b/c it uses half as much gas. Allie had a pissy pouty fit b/c she doesn't like my van. WHAT? Really? Its not like its a crappy old van! SPOILED BRAT. pretty sure I called her that. It makes me so MAD! I can not believe that I have managed to raise kids that are so UNGRATEFUL & selfish! This makes me cry. I would like to think that I am very thankful, grateful, and selfless.

There are going to have to be some drastic changes around here. Some rude awakenings. A lot more NO being said. A lot more rules implemented. I need SUPER NANNY. I am as much to blame as them b/c I LET it happen~

American Malaria

Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of Lou almost dying from babesiosis (American Malaria) from a tick bite he got in Minnesota. Today he is on his way to Minnesota. I'm not anxious about it happening again. More reflective.

Have you ever watched someone die from Malaria? Probably not. Not in America!
Babesia is a red blood cell parasite that is carried by ticks in certain areas of Minnesota and New England states. Many people carry the parasite and never become ill from it. Some carry the parasite and may experience flu like symptoms for a few days and never know that's what they were sick from. Very few experience full blown symptoms and can result in death if not treated. It is called American Malaria b/c it has the same symptoms as someone dying from Malaria. It is easily treated with a specific combintaion of antibiotics (quinine & azythromyacin).

This is one of those stories that has the hand of God directing every move!! So I will tell the whole story.

On Sunday Lou, Allie, & Jared went to Mt Sterling to a derby meeting. On the way home Lou started not feeling so hot. By the time they got back to Jared's house Allie ended up driving him home (Hunstville to Plymouth, she was 14!). He had flu like symptoms, went to bed, slept through Monday (while waking up often to whine - nothing worse than a sick man!!!). Woke up feeling a bit better Monday night, okay, good to go...

Meanwhile, my Grandma was in the hospital and my dad had called to see if I could be at the hospital bright and early Tues am to meet with her Dr b/c he had a work meeting he couldn't miss. Sure I can! {I don't want to and whine about it (a lot) in my head but I would never even think about saying no! That was just my selfish self whining about taking my day off to go to the hospital...blah blah blah, stupid selfish self!}

     Tuesday morning I get up and Lou is sleeping on the couch. At this point I was totally ticked that he had stayed home from work again (no work no pay) so I told him I was taking him with me and he could go to the walk in clinic. As it turned out I didn't have time to take him to the clinic so I told him he could just go into the ER. (oh how the ER people love it when people come in to their ER with basic flu like symptoms, lol)
     So he went to into the ER & I went up to meet with Grandma's doctor. Jared & Grandpa both came up to Grandma's room, we visited a while, they went down to find Lou to check on him. A little while later I went down too. They were all standing outside the ER doors in the waiting room, I visited with them a few minutes. Lou had been released and told to go home and rest, you have the flu.
     He excused himself to go to the restroom, was in there forever, he finally came out, I saw his face and could tell there was something very wrong. He made it to the first chair and collapsed in it. Later i found out that he felt like he might pass out so he went into the restroom, sat down and waited to pass out but didn't, so he finally came back out...who does that!?!?! Grandpa hollers at someone and the techs come out, get him back into a room and run some tests. After about 3 hours in the ER they find an elevated heart enzyme so admit him. (they never got another positive heart enzyme reading and after many other heart tests we found out his heart is good :}) After a couple more hours he gets to a room.
     His main symptoms at this point were a massive headache, body aches, and a fever that would get high (104) and then go away and come back over and over. His headache just kept getting worse. By then its 7pm, and we decide that I need to go home with the kids & he's sleeping anyway. I have no recollection of what they had done at this point, heart tests mostly I think. That night I remembered his family history of stroke & anurysims so I called the nurse who called the Dr and they did a head CT too, it was negative. (that's a joke)
     The next morning I went back to the hospital. He was no better, actually worse! They had been giving him IV antibiotics and had run lots of tests, he just kept getting worse so they kept pushing a new antibiotic. By this time they had moved him to a private quaratine room at the end of the hall and had NO idea what was wrong with him, just that SOMETHING was wrong! So they did a spinal tap and even more blood work (ended up doing 3 spinal taps before it was over!). They treated him for spinal menangitis, lyme disease, & encephalitis. All tests were negative and none of the meds worked their magic. His headache just kept getting worse and the fever would spike higher and go back down, all the while the fever was spiking and plummeting he would shake like he was having a seizure. It was SO SCARY! Finally I went home to go to Justin's TBAll game. I called the hospital a few times, no change. The lovely Miss Debbie Nelson came to my house that night to babysit me. Her adorable hubby, Joe & Pastor Chris went to see Lou, if I remember right he didn't wake up when they were there and had a foggy dreamlike recollection of them being there. (I didn't leave him there alone! He has lots of family in Quincy who stayed with him)
     Thursday morning I went back bright and early. When you're in the hospital for something minor they check on you a few times a day. If you're really sick they come in every hour or so. They had a nurse outside his room that never left, and the Dr was there almost the whole morning!!! That's scary!!! About noon the Dr declares defeat, 'I have no more ideas! I have treated him for every thing I can think of, nothing has worked, we have nothing positive or negative on every test in the book, his organs are failing...I need help, I'm calling an ID specialist (infectious disease)'. At this point I am ready to lose it!
     His kidneys had failed, his liver was failing, his respertory system is next, his blood ox was way low, pulse and blood pressure both steadily falling, and the fever spikes & plummets were more frequent and volatile. From 95 to 107 in 2 minutes and then back again 2 minutes later, all the while he would shake like he was seizing and had the worst headache not even imaginable!
     So the ID Dr finally comes in. Lou's niece Maggie happened to be there at this time. He tells me that we HAVE to get this figured out or Lou most likely won't live through the night. He says that he is going to ask a lot of questions and to be 100% honest...so we're going through his lifestyle, what he likes to do, what he does for work, we'd talked for about an hour....he off handedly says 'if he'd been to Africa I would swear he has Malaria, but he hasn't...or if he'd been in Minnesota', Maggie pipes up, he was in Minnesota!!! He practically jumped out of his chair & asks WHEN?? I don't know...but she does know b/c we didn't go to her son's birthday party b/c he was gone. 6 weeks prior. He runs out to the hall and is very excitedly yelling at people. He comes back in and tells us that he thinks it is Babesiosis, otherwise known as American Malaria, it is very rare but totally treatable, if it IS this he should respond to treatment within a couple hours. He just happens to know about this b/c he went to medical school in an area of Minnesota where ticks carry this parasite. At ~4:00pm they come in with the appropriate drugs. Then we wait. And he does show signs of improvement. By 8pm, when I went home for the night, he was back to the way he'd been Wed afternoon and gradually improving.
     At 7am Friday morning he called me and told me to get to the hospital b/c he was coming home and we were going to the derby 4 hours away for the weekend. (keep dreaming baby!) So I take the kids and we go to Quincy. At 11am they released him. We left at 1:00 for the weekend, with the kids at my moms and my mom none too happy with either of us! Him for insisting on going and me for not laying down the law! He was perfectly fine all weekend and has been since then.

It is so amazing how God orchestrates all the tiniest details. Dad needing me to meet with Grandma's Dr, Lou passing out in the ER waiting room, the elevated heart enzyme which really had nothing to do with anything, the ID Dr who just happened to go to med school where this very rare disease can happen...

And Lou didn't even take the Deepwoods Off I put on the table for him this morning ;{