Reminiscing today. 20 years ago today I was waiting at home for a visit from my friends mom to let me know what time his flight arrived from Washington so I could pick him up from the airport. The last time I had talked to my friend was 3 days prior. He was getting ready to head to the airport to board a long flight to Washington where he had to do some kind of processing at an ARMY base after being in Korea for 16 months. He had asked if I would pick him up from the airport in STL, I said I would, but I had no phone, I had gone to his mom's house at an appointed time, per his request, so he could give me details. He had no idea how long he'd be in WA so he said he would send his mom to my house to let me know details once he knew....seems very complicated now that I think back!
So I'm at home waiting...knock on the door...it's my friend...not his mom! SURPRISE! Yes, surprise indeed!
Let me rewind... I met him when I was only 13, he asked me to go for a walk with him, so I did, this was in October. I didn't see him again until the following August when I went to High School. He was there. He had transferred to Southeastern for his senior year. It turned out he was the most annoying person on the planet. I gave him a graduation card telling him how much I didn't like him. He went to the ARMY, I went about my life...But he kept re-appearing. He would randomly call my house late at night and talk to my mom for a bit before asking to talk to me, my mom would yell upstairs, "Chris, the smooth talker's on the phone." He would randomly show up at my house, or other places I was. We gradually became friends. He was quite the ladies man (that's being polite) but he could never get me where he wanted me. The years passed, he got married, I got married, he got divorced, I got separated and went to stay with friends at Ft Campbell. He somehow found out about this and somehow found their number and called me there. He was a lot happy that I was single, but I made it very clear that I had no interest in being more than friends with him. He was scheduled to come home from Korea in a month, would I pick him up? So we made plans for me to be at his moms house on a certain date at a certain time to find out arrangements....
Back to April 22, 1995...SURPRISE....he asked me to go to lunch with him. I agreed. We went to Quincy, ate at Cassano's, went to his brother's so he could see all of them, then we visited more of his family (I was just along for the ride and felt VERY awkward and really just wanted to go home). Finally it was late and he took me home, he came in, and made it apparent he wasn't going anywhere, I told him he could sleep on the couch...He never left (literally).
20 years later, he's still here (sometimes sleeping on the couch ;}), which is seriously nothing short of a miracle. I believe that God has someone picked for everyone. I also believe that God picked Lou for me. I have many times questioned why, but I have no doubt that HE is why we are still together 20 years later.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Sunday, March 22, 2015
More for our kids?
I've been thinking about my kids growing up and what I want them to be. As parents we always want "more" for our kids. More than we had ~ more what? Money? Happiness? Status? What is "more"?
Alexis went on this college visit, I asked how she liked it, she said she liked it, I asked if she could see herself there, she said yes, I asked her where she see's her life in 10 years, she said she has NO clue. I think before she makes decisions about where/what she wants to go to school for she needs to come up with a vision for her life. A kind of rough draft. That's a good place to start, right?
I asked Allie the same question this morning, I thought she was going to cry. Really. She has no idea. I think it is so far fetched to expect 17- 20 year old "kids" to know what they want to do with the next 40 years of their life!
We were talking about a friend who is only going to college b/c she's waiting for a husband. She has no desire to be anything but a wife and mom. She's going to college because that's what people expect her to do. WHY? Why do we all expect that? What is so wrong with just wanting to be a wife and mother? Being a mom is by far the most rewarding job on the planet (but it doesn't pay the bills).(I'm not sure what I would do if one of my girls said ehhh, never mind, I just want to me a mom. I think I would take it WAY better than Lou, because I have been thinking about this.)
This led me to think about what my rough draft looked like at 17. At Alexis's age I was doing a pretty good job with high school, I had a great boyfriend, a job I liked, I basically had my shit together. I was planning on going to college to major in Sociology minor in Criminal Justice, I wanted to be a probation officer. I was enthralled with why people do the things they do to get themselves in trouble. I applied to several schools, my mom drove me around to several college visits.
{Fast forward: I set my heart on a small private school in Mt Vernon, IA....and after the last application round (it was competitive and hard) I didn't get in. I got wait listed. I told my mom I was going to cosmetology school. She said "over my dead body", she wanted MORE for me. I won (she didn't die though) In that first year of "freedom" I was a royal selfish PITA & I made a lot of decisions based on what my mother would NOT like. (sorry mom!)}
When I was turning 19 (same as Allie) I had already quit school, I was 3 months from my wedding date, living in Mt Sterling, working a crap job, my fiancé working a crap job. NO "plan" at all! Was I happy? I don't really remember, I hope I was.
{I am absolutely positive that my mother was so so so disappointed. I know she always wanted MORE for me. She had great expectations for me, but she didn't kick me when I was down, she was always there to pick me up and put me back on track so I could screw up again. Over and over and over. I'm not sure what I would have done in her shoes? I hope I don't ever have to find out! I'm glad I wasn't my mom!! (thanks mom!)}
I have been thinking about where I see my kids in 10 years.
Alexis I can see doing any number of things. She is good at a lot, she has the personality to do/be anything she wants. I can see her working at a make-up counter making strangers prettier, I can see her doing hair, I can see her owning a dress shop, I can see her as an orthodontist, I can see her working with dolphins at sea-world, or saving the sea turtles in Florida, or teaching families to scuba dive in Mexico, or or or .....I also see her married and starting a family because she'll be a good mom too...I'm not convinced quite yet that she'll be a good wife (sorry future husband). But regardless of what she does I do not think she will land local, she needs to be some place that is more lively.
Allie, well...that's a bit more difficult. I'm not so sure where I see her in 10 years. She's always said she's never getting married or having kids, but I see her married with kids, on a farm, being a good mom. I don't know why on a farm, I just don't see her in a city. I see her staying local, but if not local then somewhere else that is like here. The job I'm not sure about. The profession stumps me. I can see her being an over-see-er of a camp for special needs kids, or working with special needs kids in some other way, or maybe an editor. I don't see her being a take-charge kick-ass powerful woman, but I see her being a good wife and mother, a wholesome regular life. (although she may need cooking and cleaning lessons - like how to use a broom and how to open a package of turkey!) (sorry husband!)
I go back to the question, what is the MORE we want for our kids? Do I want them not to have struggles? No, because struggles make us stronger and build character. Do I want them to be financially stable? Of course, but not without having the experience of trying to figure out how to make ends meet & budget & buy smart, b/c let's face it, that builds responsibility and character too! Do I want them to be happy? YES. Most of all I want them to be happy. I have decided that more than anything I want them to be happy with their life, whatever they choose. I do not care where they live, or what they do, or who they marry, or where they live, as long as they are happy.
{I have not always been happy, it has been an extreme roller coaster, this life, but all in all, it has been a pretty good life. We struggled, a lot sometimes, we fought, a lot sometimes (maybe not past tense). We have been VERY blessed in the last 10 years with this career Lou accidently found and with my job that allows me to be what I was made to be. It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I figured out what I want to be when I grow up, and lucky me, I am already there. I want to be a mom. A good mom.}
SO...ultimately I have figured out that all I really want for my kids is for them to someday, down the line, wake up and think, 'yes, this is where I always wanted to be!' The road to this destination is not mine to pave & does not matter in the end.
[Justin has a definite vision for his life already! He is going to go to the Airforce and to a Big 10 school to play baseball and then he's going to play in the MLB and have a wife and kids]
Alexis went on this college visit, I asked how she liked it, she said she liked it, I asked if she could see herself there, she said yes, I asked her where she see's her life in 10 years, she said she has NO clue. I think before she makes decisions about where/what she wants to go to school for she needs to come up with a vision for her life. A kind of rough draft. That's a good place to start, right?
I asked Allie the same question this morning, I thought she was going to cry. Really. She has no idea. I think it is so far fetched to expect 17- 20 year old "kids" to know what they want to do with the next 40 years of their life!
We were talking about a friend who is only going to college b/c she's waiting for a husband. She has no desire to be anything but a wife and mom. She's going to college because that's what people expect her to do. WHY? Why do we all expect that? What is so wrong with just wanting to be a wife and mother? Being a mom is by far the most rewarding job on the planet (but it doesn't pay the bills).(I'm not sure what I would do if one of my girls said ehhh, never mind, I just want to me a mom. I think I would take it WAY better than Lou, because I have been thinking about this.)
This led me to think about what my rough draft looked like at 17. At Alexis's age I was doing a pretty good job with high school, I had a great boyfriend, a job I liked, I basically had my shit together. I was planning on going to college to major in Sociology minor in Criminal Justice, I wanted to be a probation officer. I was enthralled with why people do the things they do to get themselves in trouble. I applied to several schools, my mom drove me around to several college visits.
{Fast forward: I set my heart on a small private school in Mt Vernon, IA....and after the last application round (it was competitive and hard) I didn't get in. I got wait listed. I told my mom I was going to cosmetology school. She said "over my dead body", she wanted MORE for me. I won (she didn't die though) In that first year of "freedom" I was a royal selfish PITA & I made a lot of decisions based on what my mother would NOT like. (sorry mom!)}
When I was turning 19 (same as Allie) I had already quit school, I was 3 months from my wedding date, living in Mt Sterling, working a crap job, my fiancé working a crap job. NO "plan" at all! Was I happy? I don't really remember, I hope I was.
{I am absolutely positive that my mother was so so so disappointed. I know she always wanted MORE for me. She had great expectations for me, but she didn't kick me when I was down, she was always there to pick me up and put me back on track so I could screw up again. Over and over and over. I'm not sure what I would have done in her shoes? I hope I don't ever have to find out! I'm glad I wasn't my mom!! (thanks mom!)}
I have been thinking about where I see my kids in 10 years.
Alexis I can see doing any number of things. She is good at a lot, she has the personality to do/be anything she wants. I can see her working at a make-up counter making strangers prettier, I can see her doing hair, I can see her owning a dress shop, I can see her as an orthodontist, I can see her working with dolphins at sea-world, or saving the sea turtles in Florida, or teaching families to scuba dive in Mexico, or or or .....I also see her married and starting a family because she'll be a good mom too...I'm not convinced quite yet that she'll be a good wife (sorry future husband). But regardless of what she does I do not think she will land local, she needs to be some place that is more lively.
Allie, well...that's a bit more difficult. I'm not so sure where I see her in 10 years. She's always said she's never getting married or having kids, but I see her married with kids, on a farm, being a good mom. I don't know why on a farm, I just don't see her in a city. I see her staying local, but if not local then somewhere else that is like here. The job I'm not sure about. The profession stumps me. I can see her being an over-see-er of a camp for special needs kids, or working with special needs kids in some other way, or maybe an editor. I don't see her being a take-charge kick-ass powerful woman, but I see her being a good wife and mother, a wholesome regular life. (although she may need cooking and cleaning lessons - like how to use a broom and how to open a package of turkey!) (sorry husband!)
I go back to the question, what is the MORE we want for our kids? Do I want them not to have struggles? No, because struggles make us stronger and build character. Do I want them to be financially stable? Of course, but not without having the experience of trying to figure out how to make ends meet & budget & buy smart, b/c let's face it, that builds responsibility and character too! Do I want them to be happy? YES. Most of all I want them to be happy. I have decided that more than anything I want them to be happy with their life, whatever they choose. I do not care where they live, or what they do, or who they marry, or where they live, as long as they are happy.
{I have not always been happy, it has been an extreme roller coaster, this life, but all in all, it has been a pretty good life. We struggled, a lot sometimes, we fought, a lot sometimes (maybe not past tense). We have been VERY blessed in the last 10 years with this career Lou accidently found and with my job that allows me to be what I was made to be. It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I figured out what I want to be when I grow up, and lucky me, I am already there. I want to be a mom. A good mom.}
SO...ultimately I have figured out that all I really want for my kids is for them to someday, down the line, wake up and think, 'yes, this is where I always wanted to be!' The road to this destination is not mine to pave & does not matter in the end.
[Justin has a definite vision for his life already! He is going to go to the Airforce and to a Big 10 school to play baseball and then he's going to play in the MLB and have a wife and kids]
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