Not Crazy = Pushover

1 year ago I was deemed a "crazy" mom.
Since then I have tried, I mean REALLY tried, to reign in the crazy. I am reflecting on what this has gotten me.
The answer: nothing!
Maybe called crazy less often. It does still happen on occasion. I don't think you can be a mom and NEVER be "crazy".
In my search for less crazy, I have tried to stop yelling and asking questions and expressing opinions. God knows I have an abundance of those. The general rule is "just keep your big mouth shut, Chris."
I try to tell myself , 'not your circus, not your monkeys', except it is my circus and they are my monkeys, they are just monkeys that I no longer have any control over.
They are my monkeys who live in my house but don't pay any attention to anything I say.

Day 1: "we're out of towels, please bring them down."
Day 2: nothing
Day 3: nothing
Day 4: Dad - where are all the fucking towels??  Dirty towels magically appear.

Day 1: "I need all your stuff in the corner taken to your room by 4pm on (this date)."
Day 4: specified date, morning. "don't forget, I need all your stuff taken up by 4pm today."
      Reply: mom, it's just pillows. (no, it isn't just pillows. it's a whole tote of crap- that's my thought             not spoken words)
Day 30: shit's still there.

Day 1: monkey cleans out car & throws all trash on ground.
Day 3: "please pick up your trash"
Day 7: "please pick up your trash"
Day 14: "please pick up your trash"
Day 21: "you still haven't picked up your trash from cleaning out your car"
Day 30+: trash is still there. I am NOT PICKING IT UP!

There isn't a mess they make, a plate or a cup or a bowl or a wrapper or an article of clothing that they leave laying around that I ask them to pick up, I just do it. EVERY SINGLE DAY. Why??? B/c they wouldn't do it anyway and if I ask repeatedly and it doesn't get done it pisses me off and it makes me want to flip the fuck out on them - but this is crazy, so I just freaking do it myself with my mouth shut and my head full of lovely words.

There was a time that none of this would have happened. I would have lost my shit on day 2 and they would have jumped up and did what the hell I'd told them to do in the first place. Then we would be done until the next time. (yanno, b/c none of my children have ever once in their lives listened to me the first time I said something)
There was a time that I tolerated no back talking, no sassing, no yelling at me, no being rude in general, and no lying to me. Now, all these things run rampant. There is NO respect and the lies are out-of-control. I just bite my tongue and walk away. Because anything else would be CRAZY.

No. You want to know what's CRAZY??
Putting up with this SHIT from my old-enough-to-know-better monkeys!
But, what can I do about it beside go back to crazy? Nothing!!!

The result of my 1 year experiment: my hypothesis was incorrect. I may as well go back to crazy. I may not have been respected then but at least I was feared. Now I am not respected and not feared.

I'm out!

15 days and I will have been a mom for 20 years. After 20 years you'd think I'd have a little better handle on it. Nope. Still NO CLUE!
I gave it all I had. I have proven without a doubt that I suck at it. This sucks most b/c I really tried. This might be the thing I wanted most to be good at, but I'm not.
If you aren't good at something after 20 years then you might as well just give it up!
If I could physically leave without it causing issues I totally would. I would pack up and leave it all behind, or maybe not even pack.
Allie doesn't want me. Alexis doesn't need me. Lou and Justin proved they can get along just fine without me. I am irrelevant to any of their lives.

When I started this that is't what I was going to type. I was going to talk about all things I'm doing wrong, but ultimately, even I am tired of hearing about that. The list is exhausting.
Every day I try. Every day I get up and do it again. Every day I get the same result. I don't have many days left in me.

the CRAZY mom

I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to being the best mom I could be. OK, maybe that's not true - I could have done a lot of things better...but I have tried to be a good mom.
My kids have never wanted for anything - that's a flaw. I have always tried to spend time with them. I have always attended every single event in their little lives - even if I didn't want to. They have basically had no responsibilities - another flaw - it's easier and less dramatic to just do it myself. I have always tried to have a RELATIONSHIP with my kids. I've tried to listen and care about their lives.

The last 9 months have been hard. That's a huge understatement. It would have been hard just dealing with Allie going off to college and learning to have a different kind of relationship with her.

Insert new boyfriend. New boyfriend hangs around our house a lot for the first 3 months. Things were going well (I thought), we were getting to know him, we were getting to see Allie sometimes. Then he got his own house. Now we had to lay down some rules and boundaries. (WHAT? She's 18!!!!!!!! Yes, yes she is 18, but she has no job, no income exceptt what we provide - and we provide EVERYTHING! So yes, there will be rules. If she would like to get a job and pay for her car and her insurance and her cell phone then by all means, she can do as she pleases.) This was the first CRAZY thing we did.

Fast forward a few weeks, she goes on a road trip to California with BF. While she is gone she decides that communication is over-rated and unnecessary. We knew when she was supposed to be home (the day before school started). We did not, however, actually know when she would be home. I got a text from BF's mom berating me for insisting they be home at a certain time, therefore endangering their lives. Interesting, I didn't even know they had left California. (Not true, I saw pictures on his snapchat story of them in AZ) I wasn't happy. I called my daughter, not happy. This is how I found out that they would not be home in time for her to go back to school the next day. CRAZY that we were mad about such a piddly thing!! (We did not care that she was a couple days late, we cared that she hadn't bothered to tell us.)

Now things are strained. She's mad at us for making a big deal about nothing. BF starts to tell her that we're too much. I don't know exact words, but I've gotten the impression that he thinks we expect too much, we're too close. It is weird that we want to know her BF's. It isn't normal for us to be so involved in her life. He stops coming around, which means she does too. He tells her "he's just not a family guy." Odd he spends so much time with his family, at his parent's daily, talks to his mom on the phone multiple times a day, goes to his grandparents at least weekly...but we're too involved in her life. We're CRAZY.

During this time the rule was that she could stay at his house on Friday OR Saturday night, not both, and if she did stay at his house she had to be home by 9:30am for breakfast. This rule only sometimes got followed partially. By the way, this was not my rule, this was her dad's rule. I did not personally care where she stayed when, as long as I got to visit with her a couple hours each weekend I was happy. I also wanted her to be at home for family supper on Sunday nights. What am I thinking wanting to make sure my kid gets one good meal a week? CRAZY expectation! I will also add that if class got cancelled or she had any free time during the week she was staying at his house - her dad had no clue or he would have blown up!

Then came the "mom lost it" blow up. As I have said, all I wanted was a little quality time to visit with her, to see her face, to be able to tell how she's doing and listen to her chat about her life. There was this game that she told me to buy it, so I did. We talked about getting everyone together that Saturday night to play it. The girls, their BF's, and a few close friends. I thought she was excited about it. She didn't show up. I lost it. I was SO HURT. (I had held my tongue over so many hurts the prior 6 months b/c I knew I had to let her go, let her grow up, etc.... Even though it wasn't easy, I knew these were my issues to work through and she wasn't doing anything wrong.) I don't recall what I said, but I'm sure I said mean CRAZY things. If she just wouldn't have acted like she wanted to play. If she only would have told me they weren't coming. I blamed the BF - he didn't want to come, she picked him over us....the reality was, she never said a word to him about it. I learned a most important lesson that day. By far the most hurtful lesson I've learned since I became a mom.
I didn't want the reminder of this lesson in front of me - I told her to move to her BF's house, I didn't want her at mine. Not only did I tell her to, I insisted on it. I drove her there and dropped her off (Not true - Lou drove, at my insistence). I know, CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!! CRAZY for me not to want to pay to support someone who has NO respect for me! Then it got even CRAZIER, her dad kept making her come home. Come home to talk to him, come home to talk to me (I didn't want or ask for this). After a couple ugly weeks we got things straightened out.
I promised to do better and be less CRAZY. This meant I would stop texting her "all the time" (all the time = more than 2x a day), I would try to not talk to her too much, I would have no expectations, I would not include her in family things, I would not inquire as to if or when she might be at home, I would not ask any questions about her life. I would try to not parent her. Things went smoothly from then on out. I thought.

Fast forward 2 months.. She spent the last 3 weeks sleeping at home while she was doing her internship. Same rules applied as if she were at school. I'm not sure what happened. I thought things were going smoothly. I heard rumors that her BF wanted to "take a break", his reason was he didn't want to have a GF for summer b/c he wanted to have fun at rodeos. When we tried to ask Allie about this she freaked out. She told us it's normal for people who go from only seeing each other on weekends to every day to annoy each other (true). We left it at that. Two days ago he broke up with her. His reason was that his mom and dad fight every single day b/c his dad hates his CRAZY mother-in-law and he couldn't spend the rest of his life fighting with Allie over her CRAZY FUCKING MOM. Sooooooo....this is ALL MY FAULT. Because I'm CRAZY.

I have put forth much effort over the last few months to not be CRAZY. I have done a good job of not parenting, I thought. I haven't even attempted to talk to her BF - except about gravel and sand and one time I did text them both about steaks for supper (my bad). I do not have any idea what I've done wrong since the "mom lost it" blow up.

Insert a relative. A relative who I thought was my friend. my good, close friend. A friend who I felt comfortable talking to about these things. A relative who I found out was telling my girls' every thing I ever complained about regarding them. A friend who was making things worse and causing more drama. A relative who was taking my confidences and stabbing me in the back with them. A friend who encouraged my kids to hate me. A relative who talks to my other relatives and friends about how CRAZY I am. Who needs enemies?

My daughter hates me because I made it known that we don't appreciate her BF brainwashing her against her family. She says he had nothing to do with it, she came to these realizations on her own. However, she does not hate me enough to not take my money. I must still pay for her car and her insurance and her phone and her college, even though I am not allowed to be her parent.

There are all these rules that I don't even know exist until I have broken them. I don't know how to play that game. I am a parent. I parent. That is who I am. I want to parent everyone. I want to take care of everyone. If I see a need, I want to meet it. If there is an opportunity to have 10 people at my table, I want 10 people at my table. If Joe Doe basketball player doesn't have on an undershirt, I want to supply him with an undershirt. That is who I am. Asking me to not parent my own child is like asking me to spin the earth the other way. But I will try. Because this is how much I love my child who hates me, because I'm CRAZY.

April 22, 1995

Reminiscing today. 20 years ago today I was waiting at home for a visit from my friends mom to let me know what time his flight arrived from Washington so I could pick him up from the airport. The last time I had talked to my friend was 3 days prior. He was getting ready to head to the airport to board a long flight to Washington where he had to do some kind of processing at an ARMY base after being in Korea for 16 months. He had asked if I would pick him up from the airport in STL, I said I would, but I had no phone, I had gone to his mom's house at an appointed time, per his request, so he could give me details. He had no idea how long he'd be in WA so he said he would send his mom to my house to let me know details once he knew....seems very complicated now that I think back!
So I'm at home waiting...knock on the door...it's my friend...not his mom! SURPRISE! Yes, surprise indeed!
Let me rewind... I met him when I was only 13, he asked me to go for a walk with him, so I did, this was in October. I didn't see him again until the following August when I went to High School. He was there. He had transferred to Southeastern for his senior year. It turned out he was the most annoying person on the planet. I gave him a graduation card telling him how much I didn't like him. He went to the ARMY, I went about my life...But he kept re-appearing. He would randomly call my house late at night and talk to my mom for a bit before asking to talk to me, my mom would yell upstairs, "Chris, the smooth talker's on the phone."  He would randomly show up at my house, or other places I was. We gradually became friends. He was quite the ladies man (that's being polite) but he could never get me where he wanted me. The years passed, he got married, I got married, he got divorced, I got separated and went to stay with friends at Ft Campbell. He somehow found out about this and somehow found their number and called me there. He was a lot happy that I was single, but I made it very clear that I had no interest in being more than friends with him. He was scheduled to  come home from Korea in a month, would I pick him up? So we made plans for me to be at his moms house on a certain date at a certain time to find out arrangements....
Back to April 22, 1995...SURPRISE....he asked me to go to lunch with him. I agreed. We went to Quincy, ate at Cassano's, went to his brother's so he could see all of them, then we visited more of his family (I was just along for the ride and felt VERY awkward and really just wanted to go home). Finally it was late and he took me home, he came in, and made it apparent he wasn't going anywhere, I told him he could sleep on the couch...He never left (literally).
20 years later, he's still here (sometimes sleeping on the couch ;}), which is seriously nothing short of a miracle. I believe that God has someone picked for everyone. I also believe that God picked Lou for me. I have many times questioned why, but I have no doubt that HE is why we are still together 20 years later.

More for our kids?

      I've been thinking about my kids growing up and what I want them to be. As parents we always want "more" for our kids. More than we had ~ more what? Money? Happiness? Status? What is "more"?
     
      Alexis went on this college visit, I asked how she liked it, she said she liked it, I asked if she could see herself there, she said yes, I asked her where she see's her life in 10 years, she said she has NO clue. I think before she makes decisions about where/what she wants to go to school for she needs to come up with a vision for her life. A kind of rough draft. That's a good place to start, right?
     I asked Allie the same question this morning, I thought she was going to cry. Really. She has no idea. I think it is so far fetched to expect 17- 20 year old "kids" to know what they want to do with the next 40 years of their life!
     We were talking about a friend who is only going to college b/c she's waiting for a husband. She has no desire to be anything but a wife and mom. She's going to college because that's what people expect her to do. WHY? Why do we all expect that? What is so wrong with just wanting to be a wife and mother? Being a mom is by far the most rewarding job on the planet (but it doesn't pay the bills).(I'm not sure what I would do if one of my girls said ehhh, never mind, I just want to me a mom. I think I would take it WAY better than Lou, because I have been thinking about this.)
     This led me to think about what my rough draft looked like at 17. At Alexis's age I was doing a pretty good job with high school, I had a great boyfriend, a job I liked, I basically had my shit together. I was planning on going to college to major in Sociology minor in Criminal Justice, I wanted to be a probation officer. I was enthralled with why people do the things they do to get themselves in trouble. I applied to several schools, my mom drove me around to several college visits.
      {Fast forward: I set my heart on a small private school in Mt Vernon, IA....and after the last application round (it was competitive and hard) I didn't get in. I got wait listed. I told my mom I was going to cosmetology school. She said "over my dead body", she wanted MORE for me. I won (she didn't die though) In that first year of "freedom" I was a royal selfish PITA & I made a lot of decisions based on what my mother would NOT like. (sorry mom!)}
      When I was turning 19 (same as Allie) I had already quit school, I was 3 months from my wedding date, living in Mt Sterling, working a crap job, my fiancé working a crap job. NO "plan" at all! Was I happy? I don't really remember, I hope I was.
     {I am absolutely positive that my mother was so so so disappointed. I know she always wanted MORE for me. She had great expectations for me, but she didn't kick me when I was down, she was always there to pick me up and put me back on track so I could screw up again. Over and over and over. I'm not sure what I would have done in her shoes? I hope I don't ever have to find out! I'm glad I wasn't my mom!! (thanks mom!)}
 
      I have been thinking about where I see my kids in 10 years.
      Alexis I can see doing any number of things. She is good at a lot, she has the personality to do/be anything she wants. I can see her working at a make-up counter making strangers prettier, I can see her doing hair, I can see her owning a dress shop, I can see her as an orthodontist, I can see her working with dolphins at sea-world, or saving the sea turtles in Florida, or teaching families to scuba dive in Mexico, or or or .....I also see her married and starting a family because she'll be a good mom too...I'm not convinced quite yet that she'll be a good wife (sorry future husband). But regardless of what she does I do not think she will land local, she needs to be some place that is more lively.
      Allie, well...that's a bit more difficult. I'm not so sure where I see her in 10 years. She's always said she's never getting married or having kids, but I see her married with kids, on a farm, being a good mom. I don't know why on a farm, I just don't see her in a city. I see her staying local, but if not local then somewhere else that is like here. The job I'm not sure about. The profession stumps me. I can see her being an over-see-er of a camp for special needs kids, or working with special needs kids in some other way, or maybe an editor. I don't see her being a take-charge kick-ass powerful woman, but I see her being a good wife and mother, a wholesome regular life. (although she may need cooking and cleaning lessons - like how to use a broom and how to open a package of turkey!) (sorry husband!)
 
      I go back to the question, what is the MORE we want for our kids? Do I want them not to have struggles? No, because struggles make us stronger and build character. Do I want them to be financially stable? Of course, but not without having the experience of trying to figure out how to make ends meet & budget & buy smart, b/c let's face it, that builds responsibility and character too! Do I want them to be happy? YES. Most of all I want them to be happy. I have decided that more than anything I want them to be happy with their life, whatever they choose. I do not care where they live, or what they do, or who they marry, or where they live, as long as they are happy.
    {I have not always been happy, it has been an extreme roller coaster, this life, but all in all, it has been a pretty good life. We struggled, a lot sometimes, we fought, a lot sometimes (maybe not past tense). We have been VERY blessed in the last 10 years with this career Lou accidently found and with my job that allows me to be what I was made to be. It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I figured out what I want to be when I grow up, and lucky me, I am already there. I want to be a mom. A good mom.}

SO...ultimately I have figured out that all I really want for my kids is for them to someday, down the line, wake up and think, 'yes, this is where I always wanted to be!' The road to this destination is not mine to pave & does not matter in the end.

[Justin has a definite vision for his life already! He is going to go to the Airforce and to a Big 10 school to play baseball and then he's going to play in the MLB and have a wife and kids]
     

Sending My Baby to College

The time came. I had to send my baby to college. It could have been the hardest thing I've ever done, to date, as a parent.
I can only assume that the 1st child is the hardest. I suppose it also depends on the child's personality. I have been dreading this day since I realized she was a Senior in High School. I hated every "last". Last first softball game, Last homecoming, Last newspaper article, Last sleepover with HS friends, etc, etc, etc until it has almost killed me. Then there was graduation. I did so great on this day. I was sad yet so excited for her future. Then summer flew by. Then it is August and time to think about this for real. I did what all good mom's do, I read the books, I made her pack her stuff, I took her shopping, we bought all that was needed, did all that needed to be done.
Now it is D-day. The first day of the rest of her life and all her belongings she can't live without are packed in to the van.


Loaded and ready to go
 

I did so great on this day. I really did. Way better than I ever expected of myself. It could have been the Xanax? It could have been that she was a TOTAL PAIN IN THE ASS the entire week prior and I was ready to feed her to the sharks. Sink or Swim baby, and momma thinks you're gonna sink. Yes, I was thinking that. 

It was a really longggg day. We had to get her room situated. This girl who has never shared a room is now sharing a room with 2 other people. The room is smaller than her bedroom. She doesn't like people. This won't go well. The 1st girl to come (and the one who is never there) gets half the room. Allie gets 2nd dibs, so she gets 30% of the room and the poor girl who comes last is SOL. She gets what's left, which isn't much!!

Then we move on to orientation. AGAIN. How many times do we need to hear the same things?? I see her sitting with Geoffrey. Thank you dear Lord for sending Geoffrey to Culver to be with Allie. Thank you God that they are even in the same dorm building. This allows me to be at peace. To know that she will be OK. He will look after her. He will help her get to know people. I pray he lets her tag along with him for the first little while. (he is)

We are ready to leave. We've been ready for hours, it is hot and we are tired. Lou has decided we shall celebrate by having supper at Texas Road House. "Celebrate". OKAY. We find her in her room, we don't make a big deal out of it. Just staying at camp for a few days, that's all. Love you, have fun, bye. We walk out. I am OK. I just left my heart, but I am ok. I will be OK. He does a happy dance. He makes me drive. I get about 3 miles and it hits. The bawls. He laughs at me, takes pictures of me, tries to make me laugh, makes fun of me. I bawl anyway. I only get to cry for 25 minutes, b/c now we're at supper and I can't bawl at the restaurant.

We get home. I am doing pretty good. Not many more tears since the initial deluge. Then everyone goes to bed. I'm up. Alone. I cry. I cry for 3 hours. Sobbing uncontrollably. I don't know if I will live through this incredible sadness. No one understands WHY I am so sad about this.

I am sad b/c she is my first born child. The child who literally kept me alive through 2 horrific years of my life. I was in a very dark place for a long time. I would cling to her and cry night after night. I am sad b/c she is the child who chatters with me. She comes home from her day and she spends an hour telling me about it. I will miss this so much. More than words can describe. Her brother talks non-stop all the time about nothing, whatever pops in his head, but this is different. Her sister hardly speaks unless she's in a really good mood or wants something, she doesn't tell me anything, I have to play 20 questions and usually get 20 One-word answers, this is annoying and defeating and no fun. Allie entertains us. She is always a fruitcake. Even when she's being a first rate bitch, even when she's having "A FIT" it is entertaining!

It has been 6 hours since I left her. My heart is bleeding. I will not text her. I will make her contact me first, even if it kills me. I had to wait until late the next morning. That was forever!!!! This next day I laid in bed and cried and watched TV and felt sorry for myself all day long. I had reserved the day for this very thing. LOL Poor Mom! Day 2 was a very busy day, I didn't have time to feel sorry for myself. Until 10pm, when the house was quiet, and she's not sitting on the couch chattering away at me about her day. I felt so alone and I cried some more. & so it went like this the rest of the week.
OH, on Monday I wanted SOOOOO BAD to text her and ask her to meet me for lunch on Tuesday, but I told myself I would NOT! Monday night, during my crying time, she text me and asked me to meet her for lunch! MOM WINNNNN!!!!!!!! :D

After her 1st weekend at home she came to my office to say bye on Tuesday morning, she teared up b/c she didn't want to go back. I said all the proper mom things and sent her on her way. And then bawled some more. 2nd hardest thing ever! BUT, I did not cry at all the rest of week 2. I am getting used to this.
She comes home for the 2nd weekend, she leaves on Sunday evening, no one cries. It was just "have a good week, love you." We can do this! I still miss chatting with her. I still miss hearing about her life on a daily basis. I am trying not to push her to talk to me. I know I have to let go. I am trying. I really am. I try to focus on the "I'm thankful for's" and I dread the day she decides not to come home for the weekend, but at the same time, when that happens, I will know she's OK at college, but I will cry some more.

My Grandparents

Most 37 year old girls can't say they have 4 living grandparents. I have been SO blessed with the best grandparents a girl could ever ask for! 
There is not enough space in cyber world for me to sing their praises.
When I was young, I spent A LOT of time with them. When I was sick I wanted Grandma, when I was scared I wanted Grandma, when it stormed I wanted Grandpa, when it snowed I called Grandpa to come get me. When I was bored I went to Grandma's. As an adult, when I need advice, or I want to share an accomplishment, or need a pick me up, I call Grandma. As a teenager, I never wanted to do anything to cause them to be ashamed of me. I thought about things in terms of: do I want to have to explain this to Grandma? How would I feel if mom or dad told Grandma about this?
I could tell stories for days!
As an adult with a busy life and kids of my own I don't see or talk to them nearly as much as I should! This shames me. I use the excuse that I don't have blocks of time big enough to visit them. You can't just pop in & out! They like to visit, they miss me, the want to chat, they love my kids and want to hear every detail. I am selfish and do not want to take that time. 
But time is now running out. 

A year ago Grandpa Gooding was the healthiest 87 year old man I've ever known. He hurt his back helping Bill work on fire hydrants!! Some genius decided to operate on him. I have very strong opinions about how things were done. I am very angry that other things weren't tried before they opened him up. I am angry that no one wanted to listen to "little Chrissy" about options that could have been tried. "Little Chrissy" KNOWS because she had the same problem!! She KNEW the things that might have relieved his pain before resorting to surgery. In other people's eyes I am still 8. Surgery and recovery didn't go as planned, today, 6 months after surgery he is home from the nursing home. He isn't himself. He never again will be. It hurts my heart to see him, so I don't want to. 

married 67 years!

Grandma Gooding, however, is doing great! What a lady she is! Pulls no punches, tells it like it is! She has the biggest heart! 9 years ago we had a surprise birthday party for Grandpa with all his kids present b/c we didn't think she would live to see his next birthday. Other than not having great moblity, some pain, some forgetfulness, and low blood sugar spells, she is doing good. I think she thrived at the nursing home b/c she got to socialize, something she hasn't had a lot of in the last several years since she can't drive and get around so good. She makes me smile! 

Grandpa in his element (with my cousin Bryan who is a God send!)

Grandpa Lehr is 80. He is the last of the great generation of farmers. The kind who don't go to stores, besides the Farm Stores, don't go out to eat, don't require any fuss. He goes to the sale barn on Saturday's and church on Sunday's, other than that you can find him on his farm. His health has deteriorated over the last few years, not unhealthy, just doesn't hear well, won't wear his false teeth so he's hard to understand, a lot slower than he used to be, naps more, just general "getting old". They found cancer in his bladder. They removed the tumor then went back 6 weeks later to scrape the wall of his bladder to make sure there was no more before they proceeded to chemo. They had an "oops" and put a hole in his bladder so they had to open him up to repair it. He didn't heal b/c he's been on prednisone for 25 years, when they took the stitches out he basically prolapsed. They had to take him in for surgery #4 - there is a very good chance he will never heal and will never walk out of the hospital on his own 2 feet. As this is a new development I still haven't quite come to terms with this. I plan on stopping in to see him tomorrow. I'm sure it will break my heart. We want to remember them as the big strong men we've always known them to be. 

Wedding Day!

Married 62 years!

Grandma Lehr is sweet, loving, giving, kind hearted. I have seen her mad ONE TIME in my whole life! Jared got a spanking out of that! :) She is the epitome of sweet little old lady! She has waited on my Grandpa hand and foot for 62 years. She is the model homemaker and farmers wife. I never understood why she didn't tell him, just ONCE, to get his own water or ice cream! Now I know, b/c that was her JOB! She has had back pain for years that she's persevered through, in the last few years she has also gotten older and slower, but no real health problems to speak of. 9 days ago she had a stroke. I have to assume the stress of Grandpa in the hospital got to her. She is in rehabilitation at Blessing and will probably be leaving for another rehabilitation facility later this week. Her right side is weak & she isn't as quick thinking as before, but she is responding well to therapy & there is hope of her returning home in the future. I can't imagine how sad she'll be to go to their home they've shared for 62 years, and not have anyone to wait on or fret over. 

My Grandma's - Grandma Gooding has lost a lot of weight since this!

I love these 4 people more than there are words to say. God didn't make any better people than my Grandparents! I am blessed!